I'm back in Vancouver, for now, and despite an aching back and extremely tiresome jetlag it's nice to be back. I have to say though that I'm a bit spoiled with living standards now, and everything just seems a tad run-down to me. I'm not used to the great distances either, and I keep miscalculating how long it takes to get downtown. What I'm enjoying the most is the food. Every meal I've had out so far has been very tasty. It is so nice to have some variety again instead of just uppity fillet mignon with potatoes on the menu. One is able to go to a regular restaurant and have a meal sized salad. The other day I had a salad consisting of greens, blueberries, almonds, cranberries and goat cheese. My whole body let out a grateful sigh.
I do wish that I was more mentally present. I've been so dazed and confused that I feel like I've regressed about 20 years when it comes to social skills. Wish I had more time. So little time, so many things I want to do and so many places that I want to visit.
Then there is the non-stop rain that is Vancouver. Raincouver. Oh well, I knew it would be like this before-hand. It always is this time of the year.
Oh, and I finally got to visit my beloved Purdy's and buy a small bag of heaven. They wore those neat, little white gloves when they served me as well. It was expensive but so worth it. 5 years of longing for that chocolate. It sounds pathetic but it really is spectacular.
It has been great to see my best friend. Just wish we had more time together.
All in all, I'm not sure I'm really as in love with this place as I once was. Even before I left I was able to recognize and acknowledge its downsides, and I still do. Regardless, I still do want to buy a house here and settle down.
Anyway, enough for now. I'm using dial-up. Blast from the past!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The things you see when you take a walk
I was out walking with Kelly this morning. We started out by walking through the tiny forest here in the residential area. Kelly enjoys it because there is a lot to sniff and I release the flexi leash so she has 6 meters of freedom.
There it was, in the middle of the trees and bushes: a chair with the seat missing, a toilet paper roll hanging on a branch next to it, and some used toilet paper underneath the chair. Obviously someone created their own little outhouse right there in the middle of a residential area. As far as I know there aren't any homeless people here, but I suppose you never know. It could be some kids that like to hang out there and drink. Whoever it was, I think it was quite an ingenious idea actually. Very resourceful. Amusing, seeing how it's located about 10 feet away from the road. Amusing and odd. I like odd. Odd is very appealing to me.
As we emerge out of the tiny forest and hit the pavement we encounter the usual glass shards from people breaking bottles and the glass on bus shelters. This is not so appealing, especially not if you have a dog and the dog cuts up its paws. I just don't understand it. What is so amusing about breaking glass? This is a global fascination, and I do believe it's a male thing. For some reason, younger guys find this so cool. Spending your Friday and Saturday night getting hammered and going around throwing empty beer bottles or vodka bottles on the ground must be the ultimate kick. Even more exciting is tackling a bus shelter and smashing its glass so that the entire pavement is covered in shards for people and animals to step in. You know you're really living when you do that! It's right up there with doodling nonsense on walls and public property. How cool! We're all so impressed.
As we move on we walk past an empty ketchup bottle that's laying on the ground. Did someone sit there and just squeeze the stuff right down their gullet and then toss it aside when it was empty?
At 11:00am the church bells rang, and once again this heathen did not attend service. I always tell myself around Christmas when I attend Christmas mass that I should start going to service more often, but then I never do. Not that I believe that God exists only in church, but it can be uplifting to go.
I didn't see it this time, but I used to walk through this tunnel where somebody had cleverly written on the wall: "I piss here". I thought that was rather ingenious too in its own, crude way. It might be childish and I hate public urination, but that somebody would write that on a wall is amusing.
By the way, at this supposedly fancy party I went to on Thursday, guests were standing outside urinating on the wall. There were perfectly good washrooms inside but for some reason they felt they needed to piss outside. And not just on the ground, but on the wall! Why the wall? It's much less likely to wash out with the rain there. If you're going to piss outside, at least do it on the ground. But no, guys do it on the wall. It just goes to show, no matter how much money they earn or how advanced they are in their career, give a guy a few drinks and he'll show you that he's just as much of a bozo as the next person. Deep down we're all animals controlled by the id lurking underneath the surface.
There it was, in the middle of the trees and bushes: a chair with the seat missing, a toilet paper roll hanging on a branch next to it, and some used toilet paper underneath the chair. Obviously someone created their own little outhouse right there in the middle of a residential area. As far as I know there aren't any homeless people here, but I suppose you never know. It could be some kids that like to hang out there and drink. Whoever it was, I think it was quite an ingenious idea actually. Very resourceful. Amusing, seeing how it's located about 10 feet away from the road. Amusing and odd. I like odd. Odd is very appealing to me.
As we emerge out of the tiny forest and hit the pavement we encounter the usual glass shards from people breaking bottles and the glass on bus shelters. This is not so appealing, especially not if you have a dog and the dog cuts up its paws. I just don't understand it. What is so amusing about breaking glass? This is a global fascination, and I do believe it's a male thing. For some reason, younger guys find this so cool. Spending your Friday and Saturday night getting hammered and going around throwing empty beer bottles or vodka bottles on the ground must be the ultimate kick. Even more exciting is tackling a bus shelter and smashing its glass so that the entire pavement is covered in shards for people and animals to step in. You know you're really living when you do that! It's right up there with doodling nonsense on walls and public property. How cool! We're all so impressed.
As we move on we walk past an empty ketchup bottle that's laying on the ground. Did someone sit there and just squeeze the stuff right down their gullet and then toss it aside when it was empty?
At 11:00am the church bells rang, and once again this heathen did not attend service. I always tell myself around Christmas when I attend Christmas mass that I should start going to service more often, but then I never do. Not that I believe that God exists only in church, but it can be uplifting to go.
I didn't see it this time, but I used to walk through this tunnel where somebody had cleverly written on the wall: "I piss here". I thought that was rather ingenious too in its own, crude way. It might be childish and I hate public urination, but that somebody would write that on a wall is amusing.
By the way, at this supposedly fancy party I went to on Thursday, guests were standing outside urinating on the wall. There were perfectly good washrooms inside but for some reason they felt they needed to piss outside. And not just on the ground, but on the wall! Why the wall? It's much less likely to wash out with the rain there. If you're going to piss outside, at least do it on the ground. But no, guys do it on the wall. It just goes to show, no matter how much money they earn or how advanced they are in their career, give a guy a few drinks and he'll show you that he's just as much of a bozo as the next person. Deep down we're all animals controlled by the id lurking underneath the surface.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Happy Birthday to me
Celebrated my birthday today. It was the same as every year. Baking during the day and some friends coming over at night. Amazing sandwich cake. Sandwich cake is one of those incredible inventions. I could live on the stuff!
Pretty small affair, which is how I like it. It's okay. Comfortable. Every year though I dream of doing something radically different, such as renting a hot air balloon and having a spa day, or even taking a trip somewhere like London or New York, or somewhere warmer like Greece. Never happens though. It's way out of my budget. This is a lean time of year for me, financially. It would be nice though. At the very least I'd like to go bowling on my birthday, but for some reason this never happens.
Is it such a big deal anyway? It's just turning one year older, which by now isn't really a reason to celebrate. Do we even stop to ponder why we celebrate? I feel about 10 years younger than I really am. I never really grew up, at least I took my time to reach the maturity level I'm at right now. When I was 20 I was still living at home and had never even had a boyfriend and thought that growing up was a fate worse than death. Starting from the age of around 15 and onwards I was afraid of adulthood. I wanted to remain a child, yet still get the respect and acknowledgment that an adult would get. I wanted to be recognized as an adult but still stay a kid. The truth was of course that I was still just a kid, regardless of what I thought.
Oh to be able to turn back time and go back 20 years. I'd do so many things differently. 20 years ago I was still a kid and still had time to buckle down and study and choose a proper high school program. Man, if I ever have a kid like me, I'm going to make them study and aim high for their future. They're not going to be allowed to just drift along like I was. The only thing I had going for me was my writing. I barely even cracked open a book during my elementary school days. I realize now that how you start out really does effect your life decades later. Had I been more ambitious and studious and more self-confident I probably would have studied while in elementary school, and gotten into an academic high school program rather than a practical one. Instead I didn't discover the joys of learning until university. Oh well, you can't change the past. Maybe whatever happens is meant to happen. I read somewhere that "everything is as it should be". Wise words.
Pretty small affair, which is how I like it. It's okay. Comfortable. Every year though I dream of doing something radically different, such as renting a hot air balloon and having a spa day, or even taking a trip somewhere like London or New York, or somewhere warmer like Greece. Never happens though. It's way out of my budget. This is a lean time of year for me, financially. It would be nice though. At the very least I'd like to go bowling on my birthday, but for some reason this never happens.
Is it such a big deal anyway? It's just turning one year older, which by now isn't really a reason to celebrate. Do we even stop to ponder why we celebrate? I feel about 10 years younger than I really am. I never really grew up, at least I took my time to reach the maturity level I'm at right now. When I was 20 I was still living at home and had never even had a boyfriend and thought that growing up was a fate worse than death. Starting from the age of around 15 and onwards I was afraid of adulthood. I wanted to remain a child, yet still get the respect and acknowledgment that an adult would get. I wanted to be recognized as an adult but still stay a kid. The truth was of course that I was still just a kid, regardless of what I thought.
Oh to be able to turn back time and go back 20 years. I'd do so many things differently. 20 years ago I was still a kid and still had time to buckle down and study and choose a proper high school program. Man, if I ever have a kid like me, I'm going to make them study and aim high for their future. They're not going to be allowed to just drift along like I was. The only thing I had going for me was my writing. I barely even cracked open a book during my elementary school days. I realize now that how you start out really does effect your life decades later. Had I been more ambitious and studious and more self-confident I probably would have studied while in elementary school, and gotten into an academic high school program rather than a practical one. Instead I didn't discover the joys of learning until university. Oh well, you can't change the past. Maybe whatever happens is meant to happen. I read somewhere that "everything is as it should be". Wise words.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I'm less cranky now
I was cranky when I wrote my last blog. I had had too much to drink, the results of an open bar I suppose. I hadn't eaten dinner either, which probably didn't improve things. However, the message of my latest entry still stands. I meant what I wrote, even though I might have expressed in an angrier tone than I normally would. On the other hand, what's wrong with some anger? Isn't writing supposed to contain our true feelings? I hate how civilized I've become lately. I sometimes wish I could be 18 and totally clueless of how people perceive me again. I'll try to make it a point not to be so cautious with how I express myself. Not everyone has to agree with my opinions.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Went to a stupid party
It was a launch of a new venue for a company. Open bar, loud as hell and full of annoying people. The only two people I felt drawn to were two Chinese guests. I'm more of a Vancouverite than I had realized.
I tripped and fell over some speaker stands, as I was walking underneath the stairs. It was quite embarrassing. A couple of skanky looking women laughed at me. I should have asked them what was so funny but I was too busy collecting my pride. My elbow and knee also hurt.
I really don't like Swedes. I have such a hard time with them. I think I was supposed be born in a different country but was born here by accident. Glassy eyed women who on the surface appear to be classy and posses an icy veneer of beauty, but who are in fact just as skanky and one-dimensional as your regular North American skank. Those Swedes who claim Swedish girls to be so much more full of substance than North American girls are grossly biased in their judgment.
Then there are the men, who are equally skanky and empty. They need at least 4 drinks before they're able to muster up the courage to give a girl a provocative glance, and even when they do it's a pathetic look across their beer bottle. Tattered jeans hanging halfway down their ass and some dingy shirt, a lame hairdo and a lousy attitude... take me now! Yeah!
Man...there's a reason for why I didn't get a boyfriend until after I left Sweden.
I tripped and fell over some speaker stands, as I was walking underneath the stairs. It was quite embarrassing. A couple of skanky looking women laughed at me. I should have asked them what was so funny but I was too busy collecting my pride. My elbow and knee also hurt.
I really don't like Swedes. I have such a hard time with them. I think I was supposed be born in a different country but was born here by accident. Glassy eyed women who on the surface appear to be classy and posses an icy veneer of beauty, but who are in fact just as skanky and one-dimensional as your regular North American skank. Those Swedes who claim Swedish girls to be so much more full of substance than North American girls are grossly biased in their judgment.
Then there are the men, who are equally skanky and empty. They need at least 4 drinks before they're able to muster up the courage to give a girl a provocative glance, and even when they do it's a pathetic look across their beer bottle. Tattered jeans hanging halfway down their ass and some dingy shirt, a lame hairdo and a lousy attitude... take me now! Yeah!
Man...there's a reason for why I didn't get a boyfriend until after I left Sweden.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Superpowers
If I could have any superpower I want I would like to be able to flap my wings and fly like a bird. I often dream this, that I am able to just flap my wings and take off. Often I fly really high up, but for some reason I have to flap my arms really hard in order to get up and actually stay up. In these dreams I'm often running from some assailant, and flying is my way of escaping. Wouldn't it be cool to really be able to fly. It must entail such a sense of freedom. In the dreams it's a mixed feeling because I'm often afraid of the height when I get really high up there but at the same time it is so empowering.
Another super power that would be empowering is being able to move objects with your mind - telekinesis. I've been watching "Charmed" from the beginning lately, only the first few seasons though since I think it jumped the shark when Prue died. I don't normally go for these types of shows but there's something so fascinating about superpowers, particularly when it involves females having them. I can just imagine having telekinesis and being attacked by some asshole while walking alone outside at night, and surprising him by throwing him on his ass 50 feet. If I had the ability to move objects with my mind I'd walk the streets late at night hoping to get attacked just so I could dropkick my assailants. It would be my pleasure to rid the streets of raping vermin. How cool it would be if all of us women could have this superpower, so that we women could walk around like free human beings and not have to feel afraid to go out by ourselves at night.
Oh well, in the absence of superpowers I guess we'll have to settle for martial arts.
Another super power that would be empowering is being able to move objects with your mind - telekinesis. I've been watching "Charmed" from the beginning lately, only the first few seasons though since I think it jumped the shark when Prue died. I don't normally go for these types of shows but there's something so fascinating about superpowers, particularly when it involves females having them. I can just imagine having telekinesis and being attacked by some asshole while walking alone outside at night, and surprising him by throwing him on his ass 50 feet. If I had the ability to move objects with my mind I'd walk the streets late at night hoping to get attacked just so I could dropkick my assailants. It would be my pleasure to rid the streets of raping vermin. How cool it would be if all of us women could have this superpower, so that we women could walk around like free human beings and not have to feel afraid to go out by ourselves at night.
Oh well, in the absence of superpowers I guess we'll have to settle for martial arts.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I come down a tad too hard on Sweden
I know I criticize Sweden and Swedes a lot. Sure, there is a lot here that I don't like, but my irritation has more to do with me than anything else. It's not Sweden I'm angry with, it's myself, for moving back here. Things were just fine when I was living in Vancouver. I had a whole other appreciation for my native country as long as I didn't have to live in it. My anger now is more about me and less about Sweden. It's not a bad place to live, in fact it's pretty great if you compare it to a lot of other places. It's just not my place. I may have been born and raised here but I never really felt like I fit in. I began picturing myself living in North America from the time I was 16. Originally I felt drawn to the U.S, but after visiting Canada, I realized that was the only place I felt I want to live in. I still do.
How odd is that, that you can grow up in one place and feel like you belong in an entirely different one. I'm not sure if I believe in karma, but if I did, I think I must have lived somewhere in North America in my previous life. It felt so natural for me to live there for some reason. When I first arrived there it felt like I was alive for the first time in my life. That melancholy was gone.
Anyway, I do have a lot of issues with Sweden. I think I have a love/hate relationship with it. Perhaps a like/hate relationship, since love is too strong a word to describe my sentiments about Sweden. I like it just fine as long as I don't have to live there. My roots are there but it feels like my future is elsewhere.
How odd is that, that you can grow up in one place and feel like you belong in an entirely different one. I'm not sure if I believe in karma, but if I did, I think I must have lived somewhere in North America in my previous life. It felt so natural for me to live there for some reason. When I first arrived there it felt like I was alive for the first time in my life. That melancholy was gone.
Anyway, I do have a lot of issues with Sweden. I think I have a love/hate relationship with it. Perhaps a like/hate relationship, since love is too strong a word to describe my sentiments about Sweden. I like it just fine as long as I don't have to live there. My roots are there but it feels like my future is elsewhere.
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