One year ago today

Exactly one year ago, almost to the minute, we made the heart wrenching decision to have our Kelly put to sleep. We had no time to reflect on it either since she had started bleeding and it became urgent. We phoned the animal hospital and asked if we could come in and they said yes. So we had to say goodbye right then and there. I couldn't even go with her since I had to stay home with Noah, who was asleep. Nick had to walk the short distance with her by himself. I was in a shocked daze. Nick had to tell me to give her a hug and say goodbye now, or I'd always regret it. I hugged her and smelled her fur one last time and told her I loved her. Nick took put on her leash and the only thing I could think was that when the came back that leash would be empty. I watched them walk down the path for the last time, and then my heart broke. After that I paced the apartment back and forth waiting to hear from Nick about what was going on down at the hospital. They had some problems with the injection. Apparently they couldn't find her vein or something. She finally went to sleep around 11:00pm that evening. That was easily one of the worst nights of my life. If there was such a thing as the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind I would have that whole evening erased completely from my mind. I don't care how much pain makes us stronger, that is one thing I really don't care to remember. Now it's exactly one year ago that horrible night and I suppose I wish that she would somehow make her presence known. I wish I could hear her claws clicking across the floor, or smell her, feel her against my leg at night when I'm in bed. If she is running around at the Rainbow Bridge, I hope she pauses today to look down on us for a bit.