Free will or determinism?

I was in a thoughtful mood yesterday. I started thinking about whether or not our lives our relatively mapped out at birth, or if the future is wide open.
Believing that our lives were predetermined at birth is perhaps making things a little too easy for ourselves. If we believe that no matter what we do, our lives will suck and we'll fail miserably, we have a good excuse not to even bother trying and we have the perfect scapegoat. It's easier to have something to blame, that it was fate, rather than admit that the problem lies with you and not with some grand plan thought up by the universe.
Personally, I don't think that every little thing is planned out in advance. For example, I don't think that me sitting here writing this right now was predetermined. However, I do sort of think that the larger things might be mapped out for us at birth. Such as the kind of person we're going to marry, or not marry. How successful we will be in our careers. How much money we're going to have. These are things that appear to be rather set, partly because we're very likely to live in the same social sphere as our parents. However, whether or not these things are due to some predestined plan or due to our upbringing is the question. Which begs the age-old question of nature vs nature. Are we born fucked up or destined to be mediocre or do we get that way because of what we experience in our childhood? Conversely, are we born with marvellous personalities and a nack for succeeding or is that also due to child rearing? It can't all be due to how we were raised. How then would we explain some people being sociopaths? How would we explain Ted Bundy? It can't be all child rearing.
So I think that although nurture is crucial, some of us were born to succeed while some of us were meant to be less successful, or less happy, or more happy. There has to be an even ratio of happiness, success, unhappiness and failure to go around in order for the universe to be balanced. Some people are only meant to reach a certain level of happiness and success while other people are meant to have a smoother ride through life. Sure, we all go through hard times, but it just seems that for some people it's more and for some it's less.
How we were raised plays a huge part in our level of confidence, harmony, courage and happiness, but I think that ultimately there are some people that will not succeed no matter what they do. They're the ones that will achieve something really great one day only to have something tragic happen to them the next, almost as though the universe needs to balance it out. As if the universe goes "Oups! How did he slip through the net? He's supposed to be one of the less happy ones, better fix this!" And vice versa.
Then on the other hand, I'm much more inclined to go with the nurture theory. Our personalities may be predetermined in really broad strokes, like what kind of temper we're born with, but the rest comes later. But if we can be born a sociopath with no ability to feel empathy, which apparently we can, what's to say we can't be born to be winners or losers? It's not all that black and white I know. Who's to say who's a loser and who's a winner. To me, a winner is someone who's happy. Isn't happiness what it's ultimately about. You want that great job because it'll make you happy and you'll earn good money, which will also make you happy. You want that girl or that guy because you think they will make you happy. Happiness is the ultimate goal, no? Even if you're in it just for the money, you want the money because that'll make you happy.

A Friday night

And I have some observations.

As I went outside, the dark streets were echoing with the usual sounds of people going on their monthly payday bender. All over the neighbourhood, kids are standing around on their balconies with their cider and beer bottles, smoking and talking loudly. Everywhere you look, you can see boys in their late teens walk through the snow in pairs, with pants halfway their asses and those wellknown liqour store bags in their hands, heading to a friend's house so they can spend their Friday evening getting hammered.

Have you noticed how in all Nora Roberts novels, the heroine always has milky white skin? The people around her usually have normal skin tones but she always has this really white, almost see-through skin tone. And everyone who's coloured always speaks in a Southern drawl. In fact, everyone but the heroine speaks in a Southern drawl. Even if she grew up in the deep south just like the rest of the characters in the book, she still speaks the kind of English that they would speak in the Northern states. Why the lily white skin tone? Is it more attractive for a woman to have pasty skin than to have some colour?

Some things are odd

Like for example when a guy goes missing and it doesn't get much attention in the media, but if a girl goes missing it's splashed all over the tabloids. It's as if a man going missing isn't as news worthy, or not as serious. There is a case of a missing young man in Stockholm right now, but the only reason I know about is because his family and friends have a created a group on Facebook trying to find him. It hasn't even been mentioned in the news and he's been missing for more than a week as far as I know. It was briefly mentioned in one of the local papers today.
Odd, because if he had been a girl it would have been front page news. Is it less serious if it's a guy missing or is it that a girl going missing is more exciting and interesting? Just a reflection. Although it is more frequent for girls to be the victim of crimes, sex related or otherwise, that doesn't guys are immune to it.

Why aren't you allowed to wear your bathing suit in the sauna? Furthermore, why do I seem to be the only one who is not comfortable with getting naked in the sauna? I don't appreciate stripping in front of strangers anymore than I like seeing their naked bodies out there on display. Sorry, I'm a bit of a prude on this score. I would never fit in at a nude beach.

Why is it that the first thing on my mind when I slip and fall outside is if anyone saw it, rather than whether or not it hurt. Is my ego more important than pain?

Why are dentist allowed to cancel on us last minute without any penalty but us patients are not without being charged a fee? Are dentists God? The answer is a roaring yes. George Costanza had the right idea when he told his massage therapist that he requires a 24 hour notice for cancellation.

Why has Anne Hathaway risen to fame?

How can people voluntarily eat cereal when there are other things to eat for breakfast? Cereal is and always will be a desperation breakfast for me.

Just some thoughts.

Dogs make life so much sweeter

I can be a in situation or an environment that would otherwise be boring or uncomfortable but which is made so much better just because there is a dog around. Dogs make my life so much better. It doesn't matter who I'm with, as long as there's a dog present, I'll be alright. I can tolerate the owners as long as it means being able to spend time with their dogs. This goes for all animals in general, but there's something special about dogs. I'm a dog person, there's no doubt about it. I'll take dogs over people any day. For that matter I'll take any animal over people. I feel more for animals than I do for people. Whenever I watch those cheesy western movies, or any movies where there are horses and battles, I fret over the horses. When the rider of the horse gets shot or pierced by a deadly arrow and both he and the horse topple over, I cringe at the sight of the horse falling but don't really give a hoot about the person. I suppose that makes me rather cold? Well it's because the horses have no choice but to follow along with whatever nonsense people get up to. You think if they had a choice, they'd choose to participate in those movies? Animals are at the mercy of people and their whims, and I suppose that's partly why I muster up more sympathy for them then I do for people. Animals don't have a choice. They have to rely on us. That's why when I hear of car accidents where dogs have been involved and where their owners were driving drunk or speeding, I worry about the dogs but not the people. Even in accidents where the owner wasn't speeding or driving drunk, my thoughts go to the dog.
Dogs are amazing. So spontaneous and honest, and innocent. Rather like small children.
I can put up with a lot as long as there's a dog around. What would crowded places be if there were no dogs there to stare at? I hate crowds, but will gladly suffer them if they come with dogs. The problem is that I usually get so preoccupied with looking at the dogs that I don't watch where I'm walking and tend to stumble and walk into other people.

Random funny moments during the past week

Or at least smile or chuckle.

Nick's comments when he watches daytime soaps. He'll tackle just about any romantic dialogue and add his own dirty comments and change the words around. I could go into it and give some examples but I'm afraid I might get in trouble if I write about it here. The funniest thing he said this morning while Days of Our Lives was playing was "Everyone's pregnant again??!" when he discovered that two women were pregnent.
For some reason, it just sounded funny.

Then there's Kelly, who always makes me laugh and smile. Let's see, what has she done this past week. Well there was the time when Nick was telling her that she shouldn't play right after she eats because she can get something called bloat, which affects large dogs and which can be fatal. It was how she reacted that made us laugh. She wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying of course, sitting there looking around for a toy to grab, meanwhile Nick is going on about bloat: "...that can be really serious and make dogs really sick and they can even die!..." and at the sound of the word "die" she snaps her head around, sharpens her ears and stares seriously at him with her head cocked to the side, as if saying "Die?? Are you serious?"

There is one very good reason to watch the Eurovision Song Contest try-outs, and that's watching it with Nick in the room because you get to hear him change the lyrics around and make them dirty. He doesn't actually watch, the T.V is on while he is on his computer, but he can still hear. It's hilarious. Not everyone appreciates that type of humour but I do, oddly enough, as childish as it may be.

Me telling a friend that coconut balls are actually quite a low-fat snack, and she responding sarcastially "Yes, you lose 10 lbs with each one you eat!".

A Facebook friend having "Well I'm gonna go pee now" as his status. That wouldn't have been funny normally but the way he said it was so casual and so simple that it made me smile.

A tiny chihuahua that would have fit inside Kelly's mouth doing its best to bark at her but all that came out were these whimpering sounds.

A 3 year old asking Nick if he was my dad.

Come on, take your top off!

I don't know why, but I suddenly got to thinking about being 13-14 again and being told by my relatives that I should go topless around the yard. Every other female did. Why I don't know. To get the best tan possible I suppose.
I refused.
From the moment I started developing boobs I refused to take my top off and parade my rack in front of my father, grandfather, uncle etc. I still don't think this was an unreasonable refusal. What 14 year old girl is going to want to run around half naked in front of her her family? Hell, what female, regardless of her age, is going to want to run around half naked in front of her family? Not me.
Call me a prude, but I still think that going topless is a tad too personal. If you feel like going topless, go for it, but I wish they hadn't made me feel like such a freak when I was 14 and didn't want to take my top off. It was this whole issue, me not taking my top off. 'What are we going to do with Linda!'
I overheard my grandfather talking to my grandmother in hushed undertones, wondering about the fact that I refused to sunbathe topless.
It's bizarre now that you think about it, knowing what we know about skin cancer and how harmful the sun is to our skin. What's even more bizarre is my being urged to go topless at all, especially at that age.
I remember feeling like such a freak because I was the only one not going topless. It wasn't until many years later that I realized that it wasn't that weird of me.
You still won't catch me topless in public places. There are some things that should just be remain private. This is just my opinion of course. Is it really that vital to tan your boobs? Really? Unless you're planning to display them to a lot of people, what's the point?

By far, this has to be the worst time of the year

At least for me, it is.

You linger in some kind of suspended half land between winter and spring. The ground is covered in snow that used to be white but which has turned into this soiled, brown mush. It really opens your eyes to how much filth we actually expose ourselves to when we walk along roads. The only reason we can't see it during summer and autumn is because there's no white snow there for it to get stuck in. It blends into the soil and grass the rest of the year, but in winter/spring it's visible for us to marvel at.
It's not only the horribly off-white, filthy colour of the snow, it's the roads and their condition. It's almost impossible to take a walk. I went for a walk with Kelly this morning and we were both slipping and sliding all over the place and Kelly didn't even want to walk. Then as the ice starts to melt, the gravel takes over and you end up dragging it into your house. The vacuum cleaner tube sounds like maracas when you vacuum.
It's difficult at best to cross-country ski, because the track is so iced over you look like bambi on ice when attempt to enter it. You either end up sliding back and forth like a moron or you slide to easily that it barely takes no effort to ski at all, and that defeats the whole purpose.
Then the sun starts to peek in through the windows and you're mercilessly faced with just how dusty your apartment really is. Everything just seems so much messier in the March and April sunlight. What was previously masked by the comfy darkness of winter is now brought out into the daylight, and the result is not good. The winter/spring sunlight is brutal.
It starts to get light out earlier and earlier in the morning. Most people see this as a good thing. I'm not one of them. For the past few weeks I have started waking up painfully early, even though I'm still in need of more sleep, and I lay there unable to go back to sleep. I eventually manage to catch some more sleep, drifting in and out of restless sleep, and when I get up I still feel tired and headachy.
The pressure must have changed too, because I have a headache pretty much every day.
It feels as though I start each morning with getting clubbed over the head and face the after-effects for the rest of the day. March for me is zombie month. It's the month when I walk around dazed and disorganized, like I'm perpetually stoned, but not in a good way. I'll take any month over this month, with the possible exception of September which always seems to bring with it some form of drama, such as family members dying or horrible public scenes.
April is no party either but at least here we have Easter to break the monotony. I would love to be able to head up to the mountains this Easter but for some idiotic reason Easter falls at the latest possible time this year and it'll probably be impossible to go out on the ice, or even to ski. I don't do downhill skiing but I do cross-country, and it's usually very hard to do as of early April since the quality of the snow will have changed. Considering the warm weather right now, I'd say it's going to be damned near impossible to ski in April. So unfortunately it looks as though Easter will be spent in the city, which sucks ass. I would still like to go to the mountains but since nobody else does it doesn't seem to be in the cards.
No, at the risk of sounding like a whiny bitch, I have to say that I dislike this time of the year. I know I'm in a minority here, I do tend to go against the grain. While other people love summer, I prefer winter (but not in Vancouver) and absolutely love autumn.
Although, nothing beats a Greece summer, or even a Vancouver summer.
No March though, please. If I could hibernate until June, I would.

Thank heavens for call display!

I remember the days when call display had yet to make its debut, and almost nobody had cell phones. When the phone rang you actually had to pick up the receiver in order to find out who was calling. It was like playing Russian roulette. Was it someone you wanted to talk to or was it a nuisance call? You had to pick up or you might miss out on a real call. You'd answer the phone completely oblivious and hope for the best.
For a while in my teens I had a 34-year old alcoholic stalker who used to drunk dial me on the weekends when I was alone. He'd go into these drunken monologues over the phone and I was too timid to hang up on him. Since our family wasn't into answering machines and there was no call display I had no way of knowing if it was him when the phone rang, so I came up with this dense plan of taking a short clip from a movie where a man answers "Hello, Levander!", Levander being a last name, and record it onto a cassette tape and then play "Hello, Levander!" into the receiver everytime the phone rang so it would sound like he had dialed the wrong number. It didn't work. The sound was awful since I had taped it straight from the T.V, and cassette tapes weren't exactly of stellar sound quality. And he never ended up calling that weekend anyway so I wasn't able to test out my brilliant idea and after that I forgot to use it. With the sound being so terrible it would never have worked anyway. He would have slurred "What?? Linda, is that you??" into the phone and I wouldn't have had the guts not to say anything and would have ended up listening to his drunken ramblings anyway. "Your eyes are really blue...the pig managed to escape and shit all over the house..."
I can't even imagine living without call display now. Blindly answering the phone with not the least knowledge of what moron is calling? It could be telemarketers, salespeople...stalkers. I just wouldn't be able to go back to the not knowing. I already dislike phonecalls as it is, imagine what it'd be like if I wasn't able to see who's calling. Being able to see who's calling is a blessing for those of us who would rather avoid the telemarketers and stalkers of this world than having to tell them to bug off. I'm just not good at that.