It would have been nice if...

I once saw a therapist who had a rational-emotive approach. When I lamented over things I was angry or sad about a situation or a person he would always say "It would have been nice if that had happened, but it didn't", and basically suck it up and deal with it, although that last part was unspoken. Because it's December and as always depression pops up like a letter in the mail. The perpetually unwelcome guest for the holidays. The only one who shows up uninvited. These days Christmas has become an empty time when I can't help but constantly compare the present to the past, and the present always ends up losing. It's really quite ironic because December has been the one month that I have looked forward to throughout the whole year. I have almost literally lived for Christmas. When summer was dreary and lonely I got through it by looking forward to Christmas. I have always felt more alive and excited during December. And December traditions have been of the utmost importance, such as certain Christmas decorations being brought out from storage and placed in their usual spot and watching classic Christmas movies. None of this is important anymore. I don't even have very many Christmas gifts to buy this year since my mother decided that she didn't want to exchange gifts this year. As I do every year, I have secretly hoped that somebody would get in touch to ask what our plans are during the holidays, and would we like to meet up for some mulled wine or something, or even spend Christmas Eve together. Of course, this did not happen, and I knew it wouldn't. My head has gotten the message but my heart refuses to give up on this wish entirely. I suppose it's more like wishful thinking than anything else. By now they would have called and they haven't and if they haven't by now they won't. Naturally, things could be a 1000 times worse. We could be living in Aleppo, watching our world crash down before our eyes along with our family and friends. It's really just a little only child-blues during the holidays. So I decided to do a "It would have been nice" list, to express what it is that I most would have wanted this holiday. 1. It would have been nice if my grandparents were still alive. If they were, we would not have all drifted apart. 2. It would have been nice if my relatives would get in touch during the holidays so that we could, if nothing else, meet up for a cup of coffee or perhaps even spend Christmas together like we used to. Without extended family or friends around it leaves you feeling somehow rootless, as if you don't belong. 3. It would have been nice if my friends would get in touch during the holidays so that we could, if nothing else, meet up for a cup of coffee. 4. It would have been nice if my son had been allowed a sibling, so that he would know what it's like to have other kids around, especially at Christmas. There is really nothing like sharing the excitement on Christmas Eve with other children. 5. It would have been nice if I could rise above it all and shed this sadness during the holidays. These are my "It would have been nice". As they are only that, wishes, I will accept reality for what it is. This holiday I will do my best to enjoy what I do have instead of lamenting over what was.