Almost 3 weeks now

Kelly has been gone for almost 3 weeks now, and the grieving has turned from desperate to a hollow ache for her. Sometimes it almost feels as though she was a dream. Like she wasn't even here at all. I thought I was over the worst, but this second stage of the grieving process is almost worse. The more time that passes the more remote she seems and at times it's almost unbearable. We got her ashes back. She now sits in an urn on top of our bookshelf. Some of her will be spread at the cottage where she loved to be so much while she was still alive. One of her sticks was cremated with her, so that she'd have something to play with in the great beyond. Although I bet at Rainbow Bridge she'll have all the sticks she'll need. Her blanket still smells like her. I handle it very carefully because I'm so scared that it'll stop smelling of her. I've developed this desperate need to be around dogs. I crave dog! Life is just not the same without a dog around. Animals, but especially dogs, make life a whole better. Right now we have no animals around, and it sucks. I stare at dogs when I pass them on the street. Their owners must think I'm psychotic. I turn around and stare, while trying to act casual. If it's a German Shepherd it's a sadness mixed with joy. I wish she was here right now. If she was, I'd hug her and press my face against the side of her head again. Smell her. We gave her food and her treats away the other day. It was worse than I thought it would be. It felt sort of like a betrayal. Removing her beloved treats from their usual spot in the pantry was especially hard. I know it's good that another dog gets to enjoy them, but it still feels odd. She always used to go to the pantry and sit down in front of it and stare at it, and then she'd glance at you, and then back at the pantry. Her way of saying that she wanted a treat. I know nobody can live forever. She was bound to leave us sooner or later, but the absence of her is at times almost too much. I wish I could hear her, or feel her, like some dog owners say that did the weeks after their dog had died, but I hear nothing and feel nothing. I wish I could, but I don't.