September is the most dangerous month for me, the month when something bad usually happens. I've kept my mouth shut about it until now and have never shared my paranoia with anyone. I'm thinking now that maybe I should. God knows keeping quiet about hasn't stopped things from happening, so why not talk about it?
Every f-ing autumn for the past 4 years something shitty has happened. There have been deaths in the family, threats, confrontations, panic attacks...I started to think that I have been cursed, and that the month of September was destined to bring on the drama. Well screw it. I'm sick of keeping it to myself. It sure hasn't done anything for me keeping it to myself.
So, we're 9 days into September and so far nothing really terrible has happened. Let's hope it stays that way. Although the heavy stuff usually don't go down until at the end of the month, or in October, so the fact that nothing has happened yet doesn't necessarily mean anything.
I'm not usually this open, but I've had some brandy and I'm feeling cockier at the present time. But you know, I think that I'm far too closed up, and that so far it has gotten me nowhere. Perhaps it is better to be more open.
I can't wait for this month to be over.
3 comments:
I've never had brandy. I should try it some time.
Anyway, you totally know that I know how it feels to be paranoid, but if there's one thing life has shown me of late, it is that anything can happen in an instant, no matter what the month. As you have advised me, some things are out of our control so it's probably best to just let things take their course...with crossed fingers.
But yes, as I've told you, that's easier said than done.
At least we have each other and you'll get soon get to embarass me in public :D
And I'm glad you're trying to be more open. When people are too closed up, one gets the sense that they are unreachable and it is tempting to just forget it...why bother and all that.
Although maybe it's time I try my hand at mystery. Being open gets people hurt or ridiculed.
But then I might explode.hehehe
Det brukar kännas bättre att få spy ur sig sitt elände till någon man litar på och som man känner samhörighet med. Som jag tidigare sa; jag pratar hellre med nära vänner som jag vet accepterar mig för den jag är, än att sitta och försöka förklara sig inför en psykolog som inte har ett dugg inblick i hur ens liv har varit och är. Tryggare känner jag. Jag finns om du behöver mig i alla fall. ;-)
Murre, jag ska försöka vara mer öppen. Annars tycker jag det känns lättare att prata med en psykolog, så jag är väl precis tvärtom. Jag finns också här om du vill prata. ; )
Dianne, we should have some brandy together in Van, right before I embarrass you. Then maybe it won't feel as bad. And as I was telling Marie above, I'll make it a point to be more open with my friends. It's just really hard for me to drop the mask, even with you sometimes when it comes to the really big stuff.
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