I was encouraged by a good friend to write down some advice to girls who are desperate to find love. Although I'm no wealth of knowledge on the subject, I have experienced enough to be able to make a few suggestions:
1. Don't stay hung up on someone who's clearly not interested in you. Why waste your precious energy and time on him? You can bet he's not devoting any time to you, so do yourself a huge favour and just let it go. It doesn't matter if he's a great guy or a total loser, the point is if he's not interested, he's not interested. If you find it hard to let go of your fantasy of him, just remember that he's probably not nearly as perfect as you think he is. While you're lying in your bed thinking of him he's probably out at some bar with a bunch of his buddies, checking out hot babes. Not that there's anything wrong with that. The point is, you're spending all this time thinking of him while he most likely thinks of you as a friend, or worse, doesn't think of you period. Doesn't that turn you off just a little? Odds are he's probably not the brooding, sensitive guy with a gruff exterior but a heart of gold that you think he is. It's mostly in movies and romance novels that they're like that. Lastly, remember that while you're wasting time on him, you're not opening yourself up to meeting someone else, because you're too wrapped up in him.
2. Once you get dumped, accept it and move on. It'll be one of the hardest things you've done, but something most of us have to go through at one time or another. Call it a rite of passage. You'll come out of it a little bit wiser and a lot stronger. In the end, your self-respect will be intact and you won't have to look back at your old self 10 years down the road and shudder in shame. The truth is that the more available we seem, the less desirable we become. "Follow, and they will flee, flee and they will follow". Find other things to occupy yourself with. Take up a new hobby, join a book club, start a grueling exercise regime, spend time with family and friends, do whatever you can to get your mind off him, even if it starts to border on the manic side. Whatever works.
3. Don't fall in love with love, fall in love with a real person. If you're not in love with the guy but just afraid to be alone, learn to rely on yourself instead of degrading yourself in a relationship that's probably bad for both parties. If he treats you badly, you should definitely end it, and fast! Don't be afraid to be alone. The more self-reliant and independent you become, the more interesting you will be become to others.
4. Don't lose yourself, it can take years before you find yourself again, if you even do, and in the meantime you'll be fumbling around in the dark.
5. Always hang on to your self-respect and dignity. I wish I could reach into the past and slap some sense into my past self, she desperately needed it.
And now I'll get off my soap box.
3 comments:
great entry!
should be useful to desperadas :D
and yes, amputation is best
of course, like anything worth doing, it's easier said than done
Yes, amputation is hard, and not always necessary. But if it is, yes it's very hard, but worth it in the end. Just remember that your illusion of him is just that, an illusion. I bet if your fantasy actually became a reality, you'd be disappointed. Reality almost always falls short.
But yes, it's easier said than done, but something one has to do. It probably hurts to remove a wart too, but you have to do it. ; )
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