What makes a good friend?

There are different types of friendships. I believe that each person that comes into our lives have some kind of function, some purpose.

There is the kind of friend who you may not see or talk to that often but to whom you are still bonded by something, such as a past, childhood, adolescence. If this friendship has lasted several decades, you can be rather sure that this is a person who will always be a part of your life, in some form or another, even you don't see each other for weeks or months on end. This is the kind of friend whose presence at your wedding is a given, but will most likely not be your matron of honour/best man.

Then there is the kind of friend who isn't there to stay, and it seems to me that these are the most common. Classmates, roommates, acquaintances, people that you meet in some certain situation and that you would not necessarily be drawn to otherwise. I've had more roommates than I care to think about, and sometimes we became friends and sometimes we didn't. Either way though, you do tend to share rather intimate moments with roommates, if you think about it. You don't sit around in your pajamas and discuss intimate details of your life over tea or a beer with just anyone, do you. So in a way, it's rather odd, and sad if you think about it, how we can seemingly have close moments with someone and then never see them again when one of us moves out. We appear almost like a family one minute and the next we're like strangers. I have in my life, stayed friends with two roommates after we both moved out, and I am still friends with one of them, even though we haven't been roommates for years.

What's even more sad is when we lose friendships, especially after years of being friends. This can happen because of a lack of effort from one or both sides, an argument, a misunderstanding, or simply drifting apart because you grow apart and move in different directions. Whatever the reason, I find it very sad to see people leave my life, yet I've become very lax when it comes to keeping them there. I figure, if someone wants to leave, let them leave. For me, I tend to start to let go once I start to dislike myself when I'm around a person, or if I feel like a phony.

Then there is the most rare form of friendship, and the most valuable - the kind of friend in whose company you like yourself. For me, this is rare, since it's very hard for me to let my guard down and let people in. I feel like I'm always putting on a show. It's so rare for me to meet people with whom I feel comfortable enough to just be myself, who will accept me, warts and all. This type of friendship transcends the ordinary, mundane things like sharing a common interest, having the same kind of hobby. Naturally, this might be how you meet this person to begin with, but the friendship grows into something beyond that, something much more fundamental. Friendship on a deeper level, the meeting of souls, if you believe in souls and don't find it too corny. "Kindred spirits", to quote Anne of Green Gables.

I'm not sure what I believe about destiny or fate but it's interesting to consider what our lives would look like if certain people hadn't come into them at all. Would it be different in some way? Even the most seemingly insignificant contacts can play a part in the outcome.
I do think that what defines family isn't just blood relation. I think family is more a feeling of belonging. Some families we are born into, some families we acquire along the way, and both are equally important. To only care about "blood family seems shallow". How much we care about people shouldn't be determined by sharing the same DNA or being married.