Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

If you've ever seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, you know that it's about having the power to erase painful events in your life from your memory. In the film, this involves a painful relationship and breakup. It's a very interesting idea, erasing emotionally traumatic things from your consciousness. I wonder, if I had the option, would I do it? I think I would. It is true that even a bad experience can be a good lesson. When I look back at past mistakes, I can analyze them and identify where I went wrong, but I can't do anything about it except to try and avoid making the same mistake the next time. The problem is that I tend to dwell on the past, particularly when I'm sad or bored. The past is like this dark corridor that we make our escape to when we're weary and dissatisfied with the present and unsure of the future, and each door holds a specific memory or event in your life. The corridor often remains pretty much the same, with the same memories festering behind the same doors. The mind lingers on past events because they may contain some clue as to why the present is the way it is. Sometimes those events are joyful, but most often they're sad or traumatic. It totally depends on what mood you're in. If you're happy, you tend to remember happy things, and vice versa.

More and more lately, I've been wondering what it would be like if you could reach into the past and alter or erase certain things. Would it change who you are today, and where you are? Has every little thing in the past led you to where you are at this very moment? If you could, would you do what Jim Carrey did in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Would you choose to erase certain memories? Not every painful exprience can possibly be a beneficial one, can it? Some of them can seem more like a pain in the ass than anything else.

Dorian Gray's fair appearance remained the same no matter what he did or experienced, while every terrible action in his life was reflected in his portrait. Each sorrow and traumatizing event is like a scar on our soul. Eventually we're one big scar. How we deal with those scars is up to us. However, what if you could remove those scars by erasing the memory of those events from your mind? Or better yet, alter the past.

The past is like a chain of causation:

I would not have let myself be bogged down by low self-esteem
I would have studied harder in elementary school
I would never have gotten involved with my first boyfriend
I would have studied more in my first year of college
I would have chosen a different direction at university
I would never have moved...


And see, it all connects. Here's how:

Had I had higher self-esteem as a kid, I would have believed that studying might make a difference, and I would have applied myself in elementary school. The first factor in this chain of causation if often the crucial determinant, and is therefore the hardest to change.

Had I had better self-esteem, I would never have gotten involved with my first boyfriend

Had I never gotten involved with my first boyfriend, I would have focused more on my studies during my first year of college

Had I studied harder during my first year of college, I might have had the nerve, and the grades, to choose a different major

Had I chosen a different major, I might not have had difficulties finding a good job

Had I not had difficulties finding a good job, I would not have moved

So you see, one event affects another, and so on. So, if I had the power to go alter the past, I would have gotten the ball rolling in a completely different direction.

On that note, I think I'll leave the past for a while and stop writing this post.